Unrest

You know my blog is in decline when my posts all start to begin with an explanation of why I haven't posted in a while, but here goes anyway.  It's been a surprisingly stressful monotony for the last few months, and I haven't really had much time or energy for myself. It hasn't been any one thing, but more the combination of things. I suppose the biggest change was that I started being on childcare duty all night instead of only in the early morning and half the evenings, as of mid to late January. And still all morning before our nanny arrives, and half the time in the evenings. My wife was suffering from back pain and insisting that she was a zombie at work because she hadn't had good sleep in months, and even though it meant agreeing to a schedule where I've been on duty either at home or at work all but two hours of every day (and to be honest my wife often still shirks some or all of her 2 hours of childcare or demands that I do other housework during that time), I agreed to that schedule to try to sustain and improve her health and wellbeing (and by proxy harmony in our relationship). I don't really resent it as, after almost two months of that schedule, her back pain is a lot better and she has stopped complaining about being exhausted, has started sharing the night shift with me (some of the time), and has decided that she is ready to start trying for a second child, but on the other hand I haven't had much joy in my life other than the small joys mixed with the burdens of parenting. And even when she says she wants to go out and do things with COVID restrictions lifting, I often feel too wiped out to get excited about anything but a few quiet moments to myself outside of working hours (except that even then I feel like I'm missing out on family time and not prioritizing what matters). So I said it wasn't any one thing... I guess that's not really true thinking about it more. That's really it.

Anyway though, we were back to working from home during the omicron surge, but now are back in the office again three days a week. That at least is a good change of scene. And our houses are going up and up and up in value (along with market compensation in big law firms) while our fixed rate mortgages shrink with inflation. We are a bit cramped with only three bedrooms and no dedicated office in our main house, and we talk about upgrading after I make partner (this fall, with any luck) and after my wife's stock options are worth something (unclear timing with the markets the way they are), but at the same time it would be a shame to lose our low mortgage rates if we had to sell to finance a bigger house around here, and we look at real estate prices in the Midwest and have it in the back of our minds that, one day, we might just buy an affordable McMansion there in cash, take lower paying but less demanding remote jobs, and focus more on our quality of life. But I think we are both still waiting to see if we can afford the life we want here in silicon valley in a few years, as it's possible we wouldn't have to leave the bay area for that if our careers are on the right trajectory for both compensation and autonomy.

Speaking of waiting to make major purchases, I decided to delay getting a car after being turned off by price-gouging dealers asking 5-10k over MSRP, but still have my eyes on the electric and plug in hybrid options. That might be my gift to myself after making partner, if prices are back to normal by then.