Enough

I've intended to write a few times in the past months, but haven't found the right moment for it until now. The happy news is that our daughter was born healthy and that taking care of her has been much easier, or we are much better prepared, than when our son was first born. Part of that I have to credit to my wife, who has really stepped up with respect to the night shift this time, and part of it is that we have regular childcare arrangements established that we didn't have before. My wife's pregnancy-related health conditions have also started to clear up, and she is less dependent on me for everyday caretaking, although she has had significant back pain again this time since giving birth, as she did last time. I've also been able to take a few weeks of leave that have been restorative.

That being said, the whole process of getting here, from pregnancy through an excruciating ten day post birth negotiation about baby names, has me convinced that I never want to do it again. And that's not for lack of love for my new daughter, but an appreciation that our collective well-being will not be improved by stretching ourselves even thinner to bring more children into the world, and that our family can be complete as it is, with nothing missing. It's a feeling of enough that is giving me comfort even when things are strained at home. It's the feeling that, in a year, we will be done with pumping and bottle feeding, and in three years we will be done with diapering, and in a few more years maybe we'll have enough money saved to say "enough" to our cramped quarters and small yard and find a house that is enough forever, and so forth. It's a light at the end of the tunnel that can just keep growing and getting brighter; two steps forward and no steps back. You get the idea. I'm sure there will be new challenges, but at least we won't just be looping the hardest parts of our relationship and responsibilities.

I don't feel like giving a blow by blow narrative of my activities tonight. It's the sentiment that I wanted to write about.