Best Friends

My almost three year old son told me today that I was his best friend, while we played with stretchable alligators on the floor. It felt for a moment like everything I ever wanted (more on that in a minute), and now I want nothing more than to hold onto it. I know I probably won't have that many years as his best friend, because I have to be the best parent that I can be too, and we all grow apart from our parents to some extent with time; but in my experience, part of what makes someone a best friend is being an old friend, and I have a head start on nearly everyone else in that dimension. It's motivating really; there is a lot of hard work in parenting, but if I keep his words today as my North star, I think I will have the right mindset about it. 

It wasn't, of course, everything I ever wanted. My relationship with my wife is still strained, and I think often of a handful of people I liked who tried to start relationships with me, but at moments in my life when I had emotional hang-ups that I now wish I hadn't had. I also think about the ones who didn't give me the chance I wanted, but less so -- it's the people who were kind that make me wistful. But I would not have had these children I love if I had been more ready then, so when I sum my happiness and my unhappiness, I am not filled with regret. I do wonder though, if my wife and I don't find peace and contentment together, whether there is a second life for any of those relationships. It makes me not afraid of the future, whatever it brings. I know there have always been people who loved me, and I have always had good friends. And that's where I'm putting my focus and energy with my children, to give them that experience too, and the resilience that comes with it, although I hope they are better than I was at knowing a good thing when it seeks them out.